You Deserve to Be Heard: 10 Tips to Better Communicate with Your Doctor
In the last month, both my mom and mother-in-law had interactions with their doctors in which they were dismissed and their symptoms were overlooked, resulting in urgent health situations. As the family physical therapist, they both came to me, asking for my opinion and advice on what they should do. While I did give them recommendations on their specific issues, I found myself more so giving them suggestions on how to communicate with their doctors. I gave the same recommendations to many patients who were struggling to feel heard by their doctors or other health providers. This is such a common experience and one that can usually be solved by understanding how to best communicate with doctors.
Understanding your doctor and their role
Most doctors want to help you. Of course, there is always the oddball who is in it for the money. But the vast majority of doctors go into medicine because they want to help you feel better. Unfortunately, most doctors are also burnt out so that youthful, hopeful desire to help often gets buried under productivity requirements, time constraints, documentation, and insurance authorization. This is, unfortunately, the reality of practicing medicine in the modern age.
Your doctor’s role is to diagnose and, hopefully, treat whatever is going on in your body. That seems obvious enough - but what is often overlooked is that to determine what is going on is not black and white. The body is an incredibly complex, dynamic multi-system organism. Diagnosing and treating patients is like solving a mystery. Your doctor’s role is to analyze all the information from what you say, your vitals, your lab tests, your imaging, and how you respond to medication, etc., to make an educated best guess as to what is going on and how to treat it.
Preparing for your appointment:
A major part of solving the diagnostic mystery is what you tell your doctor. However, it can be extremely difficult to know what is going on, much less put it into words. This is even more so true for neurodiverse people (speaking from first-hand experience) as they can often struggle to connect with their bodies and put words to sensations. It can be helpful to look at a list of sensations or symptoms if this is something you struggle with so you can learn ways to express your experience.
Preparing for your appointment is one of the best ways you can help your doctor solve your diagnostic mystery. Here are the top suggestions I told my family:
1 . List your top three concerns:
This will help guide your doctor to know what is most important to you and, then, treat those concerns. So often in my practice as a physical therapist, patients would tell me five or six things that were going on. I would naturally focus on what seemed like would be the top priority, only to have the patient tell me with five minutes of the appointment left that they wanted me to look at a totally different concern. It is an innocent mistake on both ends that can be easily avoided by knowing and communicating what your top concerns are.
2. List out your symptoms with timeframes:
This is all data - every symptom is a clue to solving the mystery and can point your doctor in a direction to explore that may hold the answer. I honestly loved it as a provider when a patient just handed me a list of symptoms that were going on - it helped to speed up the conversation so we could work towards a solution faster.
3. Keep track of previous test results and your medical history:
This also speeds up finding the answer to your diagnostic mystery. It prevents redundancy of testing and gives your doctor a more complete picture of your body.
What your doctor wants you to know:
Setting up realistic expectations of your doctor can go a long way in helping you communicate effectively during your doctor’s appointments.
It likely will take more than one appointment to find a diagnosis - they are working towards the answer but it takes time to run tests and see how your body responds.
Running tests or getting imaging is how your doctor rules in or rules out different issues - this is not to give you the runaround but to be thorough in figuring out the source of the problem.
Googling something in the middle of your session does not mean they are a bad doctor - the body is incredibly complex and remembering every single small detail is almost impossible.
You may be given medication on a trial basis to see how you respond. This is a form of diagnostic testing. How you respond to it, either way, provides valuable information on what could be going on.
Your doctor is incredibly aware of the time. They know they are running late and they know they only have so long to spend with you. They want to get as much done as possible. If they seem rushed or impatient, it is not because they don’t care - they just want to be efficient so you can get the help you need.
What you deserve from your doctor:
Unfortunately, it is all too common that doctors may lose sight of their desire to help and leave their patients with more questions than answers about their health. It is imperative that we, as patients, can advocate for ourselves to get what we deserve and are entitled to as a patient.
Take the Tips with You!
Have a quick cheat sheet available to you during your doctor’s appointments so you don’t have to worry about remembering how to advocate for yourself in the heat of the movement.
You can (and should) ask for education on what is going on with your body. It is not enough for a doctor to just read you the report. They need to explain it and tell you, in layman’s terms, what is happening and what you can expect going forward.
You can ask what they are hoping to find or rule out from specific tests. You are paying for the test and going through the ordeal of getting it done. You deserve to know what it will provide for the diagnostic process.
You can request medication to help reduce your symptoms until a diagnosis is found. There are plenty of medications available to help relieve many common symptoms, such as pain, nausea, etc.. Ask for them!
You can ask what over-the-counter medications would be appropriate or other things you can do at home, like icing, changing your diet, or creating new routines.
You can ask them to repeat themselves, write stuff down for you to research later, or ask them if it is okay to record the appointment so you do not miss anything.
When You Feel Dismissed: 5 Ways to Advocate for Yourself
When the worst-case scenario happens and your doctor dismisses you or your symptoms, it’s time to advocate for yourself. It can be helpful to have these tools in your back pocket if you need them.
1 . Ask open-ended questions:
This allows a dialogue to open up and, hopefully, with more conversation, progress can be made to finding the proper treatment.
Example: “I understand that my tests are normal, but I’m still experiencing XYZ. What other explanations should we consider?”
2. Ask for their thought process:
This shows curiosity but also gently forces them to really think through why they are dismissing your symptoms.
Example: “I want to better understand why you think this isn’t a concern. Can you walk me through your reasoning?”
3. Ask for specific next steps or referrals:
This takes it out of the “just lose weight” or “just lower stress” category and puts your care into a tangible solution category. So often when we are dismissed, it stops us from continuing to seek answers. By asking for specific next steps, our care will not get pushed aside and we can continue our journey to solving the diagnostic mystery.
4. Ask for support:
Sometimes it can be helpful if a friend or family member can join you in the appointment if you think you may not be listened to. It can also be helpful if you have a hard time communicating to have your support person there to speak on your behalf. Likewise, if you have a health professional you trust, you can have them write a note in medical language to the doctor. As a physical therapist, I do this often for my patients and it usually yields good results.
5. Know when to cut your losses:
Sometimes it is just not worth trying to work it out or try to improve communication with a doctor, especially if you feel uncomfortable or not understood. You deserve to feel understood and comfortable with your health providers.
Build a collaborative relationship:
In an ideal world, we would all have a collaborative relationship with our doctors, especially our primary care doctors, where we are heard and believed. It is vitally important that a patient’s lived experience holds as much value as a doctor’s education. I always tell my patients, I have only known you for an hour - you have known your body your whole life. You are the expert on your body. If something feels off, trust your instinct. Doctors are here to support us - not dismiss or invalidate us. A good doctor listens to their patients and empowers them on their health journey. Doctors and patients should be a team when it comes to our healthcare - with good communication, this can be a reality.
